December cycle buddies

[HDT888]

Lol that is very true!! Is this an NHS cycle for you? It is for me but I have still paid them thousands somehow

It is bloody hard, it just feels never ending and a bit all encompassing really! Get to a point where it's hard to plan things longer term or do other life things - or at least that's how I find it anyway. Planning on going to see a friend in Denmark in the summer and I had to give her a window of when I knew I definitely wouldn't be in a 2ww or having scans

Yesterday was a bit annoying - just felt a bit achey/crampy mainly just on one side. I felt sick this morning after my breakfast of toast and now have lower back pain so it's getting a bit frustrating. Like you say it could be something or nothing or knowing me it's totally in my head How are you feeling today?

Your Saturday sounds nice- hope you managed to find something distracting to do today?

I have mainly chilled and done some light gardening (making sure I don't do any heavy lifting or awkward twisting). I quite like reading in the garden when it's sunny - need to make the most of it up north Xx

[Gembryo]

No I’m fully private so I’ve paid for every last thing! I didn’t know you still had to pay for stuff when it’s NHS, that feels unfair! I started down the nhs route but it was slow and causing us so much stress with lack of contact etc we gave up!

Totally understand that, I feel like our lives have been on hold for so long now. We have missed out on things, have had to cancel things, swerve things - makes everything so hard to plan. It’s lovely that you are able to plan a trip to Denmark though, things like that do keep us going!
My husband is doing a running/swimming event in Switzerland early July which we booked hoping all will be ok to go! Just needed something to look forward to.

Agreed, the side effects are so annoying!! I can’t decide if it’s just like my period ache but then I don’t pay that much attention to it as I am now. Every logical part of my brain is saying it is just the progesterone, but who knows. It’s pretty much just that symptom really.
I did get very excited when you said you felt sick though… that’s got to be a good sign?? I think back pain is a good sign too?

Gardening and reading in the sun sounds lovely! We’ve been out for a sunny walk and a nice lunch and then I’ve read about half a book

2 more sleeps for you!!!

[HDT888]

Yeah just the extra stuff like the ERA testing and the CareMaps video thing. Yeah I know what you mean about the NHS side of things although I've done a mix of both and found contact to be a nightmare sometimes regardless. The amount of chasing that was often needed was a bit mad!

Yeah that's it isn't it, sometimes you just need something to look forward to don't you! And face any timing consequences at a later date!

I am exactly the same - I don't have very bad pms symptoms so I don't usually take any notice of the ones I do get

Think the sickness was a coincidence sadly as felt fine ever since. No aches now for me either apart from some lower back pain still but you know it's probably from leaning over to do my jigsaw

Only three more sleeps for you!!

Slightly terrified of testing tomorrow - enjoying the ignorance of it all at the moment!

Been a bit worried about not absorbing enough progesterone the last day or so. Warning that TMI is about to follow......yesterday morning I could see it embedded in my poo about 9 hours after putting it in the night before. And today I just went to the loo for a wee an hour after putting it in rectally and when I stood up there was some small round circles (5p size) in the loo that must have dripped out (sorry lol ) when I peed and solidified when they hit the water. Not had either of those things happen for the last two weeks so a bit strange to just happen now. I never usually notice any coming back out when I use them rectally so feel.a bit anxious. Although I suppose it's probably just the waxy bit isn't it and the projesterone has hopefully been absorbed. Do you ever use them rectally and noticed either of these things? Xx

[Gembryo]

You made me actually LOL with your jigsaw back pains I hope it is because your embryo is making itself at home!!

I feel like I’m spiralling today, I feel like the aches are fairly constant which is making me think my body just wants a period. I’m trying not to panic but it’s just one of those days where I’m fearing the worst. I want to test to badly but I will stick to my guns and wait. Like you, I want to test but I’m scared in equal measures! After 4 failed, it’s hard for me to think more positively.

I take a Cyclogest rectally every night, but I’m only utrogestan in the day (which is whole other kettle of fish for dropping out!). So I’ve never been for a wee after putting it in as a go straight to sleep.
But I would say every morning there are white bits in my poo but like you say I assume the progesterone has absorbed and it’s just the waxy residue. Do you mean it still looked almost whole? Hopefully by this point you are just topping up the progesterone anyway. Did you have a blood test the day before transfer? Xx

[HDT888]

these jigsaws are dangerous things! Lol

Sorry to hear that you are having a bad day have you ever tried the IVF mindfulness app? I find that quite useful when I am feeling stressed or anxious. Or a walk or even just having a chat with a friend/parent on the phone distracts me for a bit. I understand about not feeling positive about it, I feel the same way. I think it's only natural to struggle to feel positive about it after numerous negative pregnancy tests. I think it becomes a defense mechanism doesn't it so that if it's another negative it's less of a shock (if that makes sense).

Maybe similar to what to describe then but it was more like moulded to/around the poo rather than in it. I love how IVF makes these convos normal
I rang care in the end whilst on my lunch walk and the nurse said she wasn't concerned, it would have been just the waxy/fatty stuff that the progesterone is in. She said the progesterone gets absorbed out of the capsule but that our bodies can't absorb the fatty/waxy stuff so has to come out one way or another. Hopefully she is right I did have a blood test but mine was two days before transfer - my level was 62 which was a lot higher than my last transfer. So guess I just need to hope that my levels have stayed high throughout and going to try not to worry about it easier said than done!

Don't envy you the Utrogestan, I had that on my first transfer..not sure why they changed me to cyclogest but not complaining! Is there a reason they have you on a combo of both?
Xx

[Gembryo]

I know you what you mean about the defence mechanism, I guess we’re just trying to protect our hearts! I have just no idea if it’s a good or bad thing that I have the aches or it’s just meds - and that’s just spinning around my head!
I haven’t tried the app but I’ll have a look into it, thank you! I usually turn to a walk and a podcast and that always helps for a bit. Have just sat on the sofa after work but actually I’ll go for a little bit if air as I have only done 30 mins walk today anyway.

Wow your progesterone was so high so I’m sure you absorb everything super well - I was only just over 30!! Glad you called though, good to get the reassurance you needed. You’re right though, there are no filters or dignity with this ivf stuff

I was on only utrogestan for the start of my second and then my levels were a bit low and a nightly Cyclogest was added and it’s been great since then. If actually rather do that twice a day with some utrogestan if needed as I think it absorbs better and much less mess!

I will be thinking of you in the morning and keeping everything crossed for you, really hope it’s your turn!! xx

[HDT888]

I can't believe it but the test was positive!! Used a FRER and then just a cheapo urine test strip test! Slightly in shock today. Feel like the anxiety has just begun now though.

I really hope you have the same luck on Thursday

How you doing today? Did the walk help?

My projesterone was quite high this time...it wasn't anywhere near that high last transfer! I asked the nurse what could cause that difference but she had no answer. Xxx

[Gembryo]

OMG YAAAAYYYYY!!!! I’m absolutely thrilled for you, and so glad it was not just jigsaw back!
Completely understand the anxiety setting straight in, but just try to enjoy overcoming the first hurdle! Such wonderful news!!

I was so tempted to test this morning but resisted and im in the office tomorrow so won’t be tempted to do it tomorrow - so definitely waiting til thurs now. Im less achy so far today. Just really hoping for the best xxx

[HDT888]

Thanks Gem
Haha I guess it wasn't jigsaw back after all

I hope that's a good sign for you that those pains have gone! Hopefully it was just the little embryo getting nice and comfy in there!

Hope you have the same outcome on Thursday Well done for holding out these last couple of days xx

[Gembryo]

How are feeling today? Has it sunk in a little more?

The pains were back last night but so far not noticed any today! Please let it be the embryo!

I will report back tomorrow xx

[HDT888]

Feeling okay today
Hasn't really sunk in...feels a bit surreal but think that's maybe because I don't feel any different (if that makes sense).

Hope today stayed a pain free day for you
Sending you all the luck for tomorrow morning, I'll be thinking of you xxx

[Gembryo]

That’s understandable, sure it will feel surreal for a while but really hope you can enjoy it a little

It’s a no for me again we’re out of embryos so another fresh cycle beckons, we’ve paid for the 2 cycles up front but the worry of going through it all again is overwhelming me right now x

[HDT888]

Oh Gem I am so sorry to hear that! Hope you can take today for yourself and don't have to worry about work?
That's good that you have another cycle paid for and don't need to worry about that side of things this time. Totally understandable to feel overwhelmed about having to go again - it is such a big thing to have to go through but your super strong and you can do it! And you don't need to rush into it- you can take some time and have your July holiday that you mentioned! It sounds like you did well with getting 5 embryos last time so hopefully that is reassuring for another round. Xx

[Gembryo]

Thank you lovely. I guess I am worried as I’m another year older and I’m 39 in July so I feel the pressure is on to get on with the next round so I’ll go as soon as they say I can. I just know we have another couple of thousand to pay for the stims meds now, and we’ll potentially do embryo testing so that’s another chunk of money. It’s just a lot to take in.

Work said not to come in, so that’s one less thing to worry about. I might go out for a long walk in a bit to try and help my head. The clinic can get me in for a review on Monday which is amazing so I can find out next steps fairly soon which has helped my head a little x

[HDT888]

I know it's hard not to worry about it but try not to lovely - many women the same age as you and older get really good egg retrieval numbers so no reason that you won't be won't of them even if you are a bit older than you were before. It is a lot isn't it, on top of everything else! The PGT a testing sounds worth it though, especially if you are paying for each frozen transfer. Do you think you'd go down the ERA route?

Did you managed to get out for a walk? Your work sound very understanding which is always good. That's amazing that care could you get in so soon!! That wait can be so difficult when you just want to crack on with it!

I feel insensitive saying this but had a bit of a bad day today mentally. Had on off lower back pain which also affected my left hip at times. Also had some shoulder aches. I wouldn't say if it was really painful but I just generally feel all achey! I rang care and the nurse said it sounded more like muscle stretching and implementation pain and suggested the shoulder pain could be from being tense and anxious. She implied it was a bit too early for eptopic to be causing those pains as it wouldn't be big enough yet but she did move my scan forward a week so they will see me at 6 weeks now! Xx

[Gembryo]

We actually bought the 2 cycle package and you get unlimited frozen embryo transfers within that, you just pay for meds each time. The consultant felt that embryo testing would be more productive for us than ERA and I’m not sure we can afford to do both anyway. Just hate being this age, can’t believe how long this process has been going on, it makes me feel extreme pressure to keep pressing on.

Yes I went for a good 6 mile walk around some water in the sun, helped my head a little. I would have been useless at work anyway. I’m trying to do a bit of work today, just got distraction really.

I’m sorry to hear you had a tough day yesterday, how are feeling today? Hopefully it is just your body adapting to everything? Good that you can have you scan earlier though so you don’t have to wait too long xx

[HDT888]

Glad that you managed to get out for a walk and that it was helpful to clear your head a little.

Totally relate to the lacking concentration! I don't feel like I have done very much work at all this week. I am office based and the main tasks I need to do at the moment are quite big chunks of work that I just can't seem to mentally face at the moment. I have done all the little bits of stuff and emails and now just left with the big stuff I have been putting off lol Maybe you could try and just do half a day and have the afternoon off to go for a walk/relax?

Oh that is good that all transfers are included. Understand the reasoning behind pgt-a over ERA. Yeah it soon gets very expensive with the extra testing. This whole process takes so long doesn't it and feels never ending, - I have friends who whilst we have been trying, have started trying, got pregnant and had a baby- makes me really frustrated at the unfairness of it all. Hopefully they will let you start again after this months withdrawal bleed and then the wait won't be too long for you.

Feeling much better today- got a bit of an upset stomach still- but I get this off and on anyway so trying to hope that it isn't related. I haven't felt anywhere near as sick today which was nice and got no back, hip or shoulder ache today- how strange to have that for 24hrs! My only pain today is some groin pain-also left hand side. It is a dull ache in my mons pubis area (basically where your pubic hair is) where it meets my leg. I have also had this before pre-transfer so again hoping it's not malicious. I can't believe how anxious I would feel- I knew I would but didn't think I would be this bad! xx

[Gembryo]

Hey lovely, how have you been this weekend? Hope the weird pains have subsided and that you’re feeling ok mentally? Hope scan day rolls around quickly for you xx

Got the review this afternoon so got my list of questions ready. I have hardly cried at all since Thursday, I think my body has totally shut down like it can’t take this enormity of it all. Im sad but numb. Tried to have a nice weekend which with the sun was actually achievable. We tried to plan a holiday which helped to distract, just didn’t want to book until the doctor gives us all the options today for testing etc so we can see what money we have left to go on hols with! X

[Luckybabe37]

Hey thought ad jump on see how everyone is I have bein taking a break for a while due to my loss I was in a bad place as it seems to be one after another for me. Congrats to one’s on how far are and good luck to others trying, am currently on meds and have a scan on 31st to check lining then go from there this will my last embryo then chapter closed.

I have had the blood clotting test at my gp done anyone know how long it takes to come back? Bein 2 weeks nothing yet wanted results before transfer .
Xx

[HDT888]

Hey Gem,

Not sure if you will check this thread anymore but just wanted to say hi as I can see you are back. How are you doing this time around? I hope the break helped and that you managed to get away on the holiday you had planned? Did they make any changes to your protocol this time around? Got my fingers crossed for you that this is your time.
Sorry for disappearing back in May, I found it all a bit too stressful and anxiety provoking to be reading about others symptoms and good/bad news. xxx

[Gembryo]

Hey lovely!
How are you getting on? Gosh please don’t apologise you have to protect yourself in anyway you need

I had my egg retrieval last weds and got 10 eggs, 7 mature, 5 fertilised and 4 embryos which were thrilled with. Only 1 less than last time. So I have one on board, transferred on Monday and 3 being genetically tested. So for now I’m trying to enjoy the TWW bubble if that is possible x

[HDT888]

4 Embryos, that is great news! Have you heard about the 3 that are being tested yet? I hope you get some good news regarding them.

What are you doing to pass the time? Are you off work? Hopefully you can sit out and enjoy the sun (when it is out). Hope you are holding in there okay, 2WW is such an anxious time I found of being hopeful but trying not to be too hopeful- is a hard balance. Will you test early or hold out do you think?

Yeah, I am good thanks am 18+4 now. Still very anxious tbh and still haven't told many people or family or work yet. Finding it harder now that I don't really feel sick anymore so don't have that reassurance and I can't feel kicks yet. xxx

[Gembryo]

4 Embryos, that is great news! Have you heard about the 3 that are being tested yet? I hope you get some good news regarding them.

What are you doing to pass the time? Are you off work? Hopefully you can sit out and enjoy the sun (when it is out). Hope you are holding in there okay, 2WW is such an anxious time I found of being hopeful but trying not to be too hopeful- is a hard balance. Will you test early or hold out do you think?

Yeah, I am good thanks am 18+4 now. Still very anxious tbh and still haven't told many people or family or work yet. Finding it harder now that I don't really feel sick anymore so don't have that reassurance and I can't feel kicks yet. xxx

Hey lovely! I think it should be another week or so til we hear about the testing.
I’m on 8dpt5dt now and still not tested, I think I’ll try and get to 11/12. I’d rather not live in false hope like I’ve done before. Had a few period style cramps today but trying to remember that it could be anything so trying not to panic!

Oh wow you’re so far along now, I’m so pleased for you! Will you be able to hide it much longer physically? Completely understand you wanting to protect your heart and keep it to yourselves for as long as possible, and why not!